5 – Breasts,
- Oh yeah there’s a few of you out there who would want to go out this way, the deadly motorboat.
- This bizarre choice of weapon actually came about un-intentionally when 51 year old Donna Lange passed out on top of her boyfriend. Lange’s large ta-ta’s were big enough to suffocate her boyfriend, with witnesses hearing his cries of mercy.
- Lange was drunk at the time and stone cold passed out so unfortunately the guy’s muffled screams didn’t help. Ah well still a better way to go than getting smacked with a spoon.
4 – Xbox 360,
- Well it was only a matter of time before video games turned us into kill crazy lunatics, beating people to death with our consoles.
- 20 year old Monica Gooden was found beaten and stabbed in her Florida home, the broken and bloody remains of an Xbox 360 nearby. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. Turns out Monica was killed by her boyfriend who believed she had to be sacrificed because she had control over his spirit.
- Hmm sounds like he was straight up crazy but this happened in 2013…the same year GTA V was released so I’m just gonna blame it on that, I mean it’s not like that could be a coincidence.
3 – Microwave,
- Ever heard the urban legend about the dog in the microwave? Well this is much fucking worse.
- In 2007 mother China Arnold murdered her 28 day old daughter by placing the infant in the household microwave for 2 minutes, essentially cooking the baby girl. This apparently came about through an argument with the father over paternity.
- China was intoxicated at the time but whatever substance makes you think its okay to microwave your newborn should be stricken from the Earth.
2 – Poison Pussy,
- Wanna teach your kids to be carefully whose junk they play with? Just tell ‘em the story of the poisoned pussy.
- It takes place in Brazil where a woman bitter over her husband not granting her a divorce, decided to kill him using her most womanly of traits. Inserting a poison potion into her vagina, she then invited her husband to partake in a bit of cunnilingus. While the poison certainly would have killed the man, he noticed a strange smell coming from her va-jay-jay and rushed her to the hospital.
- Which in turn actually saved the wife’s life as well because the poison probably would have killed her too if left any longer in her love hole. Some guys will use any excuse to get out of going down.
1 – Sweatpants,
- Not just a way to commit fashion suicide in public, these comfy bastards can kill.
- In Jacksonville, Florida a 61 year old man managed to strangle 29 year old Patricia Ann McCollum with the garments. Evidence showed that he had strangled the victim so hard with the sweatpants that the blood vessels in her eyes burst, leaving blood on them.
- Jeez and all these people who say “I’d kill you if I had a gun”, just use those awful pants you are wearing. You won’t even need a background check.
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