5 – The Store is Sold Out of it,
- Ever been obsessed with getting a toy or candy that you only shut up about it when you find out there isn’t going to be any more of it…ever?
- Well if you haven’t you must have the best parents in the world. Or the worst, depends on what you wanted. Anyway most of the time kids hear this one because parents either can’t afford to buy the thing or because what you want is some teeth rotting candy that will give you diabetes.
- Of course kids normally can’t understand this stuff but it’s heartbreaking to find out you’re not getting what you want because all the other lucky people got to buy them first.
4 – Cookie Dough Will Definitely Kill You,
- Oh sweet, sweet Cookie dough…is there a food product that parents don’t want children to have more than this?
- Almost every child has experienced the great lie that cookie dough is going to do some extreme and disgusting thing to your body….other than make you gain weight I mean. Some people were told that it would give them a bad case of worms. I was told it would expand in my stomach and burst.
- While eating any raw dough or batter is dangerous (occasionally causing E.coli and Salmonella infections) it seems silly to exaggerate it so. They probably just want to eat it themselves later.
3 – The Stork Brought You,
- Much like death, sex and birth are also topics that are difficult to teach kids about but for totally different reasons.
- Not wanting their children to have the mental picture of their parents banging from an early age, most parents tell an absolutely crazy story about how they came into existence. Telling children they were carried from the sky by a giant bird is the one of the oldest lies in the book.
- But hey talking to your kids about ejaculation and uteruses most be difficult so I’m not going to judge until I have that talk with my children.
2 – I’m LEAVING you here, Johnny!
- This is the lie you tell when you’ve already used Number 6 and it was super ineffective.
- You probably experienced a situation when you were young where you wouldn’t leave the fun thing so your parent just started walking away while yelling out this. Most kids fear abandonment as much as clowns so they go running after them.
- But stubborn kids quickly expose their parents for the liars they are because they will quickly be back at your side yelling at you to leave. Or they did leave you just to teach you a lesson and give you sever abandonment issues.
1 – Santa and the Bogeyman,
- Parents can’t be everywhere, but imaginary beings sure as hell can be for them.
- An age old trick to get kids to be good little people is to scare the hell out of them with characters that aren’t real. Santa Clause of course is used as a carrot and stick style tactic to get kids to be good or they won’t get things they want, which seems to be fairly harmless. While the Bogeyman is a lie that will scare the hell out of them for years with fears of a monster that will eat their skin.
- But until we find a way to get children to behave without psychologically scaring them, we are stuck with these white lies.
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