5 – Ass Gass,
- There’s nothing quite like the first time someone farts during sex, just hope it doesn’t go down like this when it happens to you.
- During some oral foreplay, this boyfriend got more than he bargained for. The lady in the situation felt the need to pass wind and thinking that her lover was elsewhere, assumed it was safe to let out a silent one.
- Buuut… the guy was actually just about to make mouth contact with her butt. Meaning that she inadvertently farted right into his mouth. Which means this girls ass has the best comedic timing in the universe.
4 – Baby bird,
- Here’s one for anyone who finds the practice of snowballing really, really disgusting.
- One respectable man is getting a hummer from another man. Everything seems to be going fine, the suckee ejaculates and starts gasping for air in post orgasmic bliss. Suddenly bliss turns to terror as he feels something slimy and wet enter his open mouth. To his disgust his partner is “baby-birding” his semen to him.
- The other guy apparently thought it would be hot, which not that there’s anything wrong with that…but you really should get someone’s consent before you plan on spitting their spunk back at them. Kinda ruins the mood otherwise.
3 – Labia of Love,
- Just a tip guys, good oral sex should never involve you losing part of your junk.
- This sad story of genital mutilation starts with a girl riding her partner reverse cowgirl style, when he decided to pull her up to face for some face sitting. Then things went HORRIBLY wrong. Somehow the girl slips and falls vagina first down onto his mouth. Blood starts to fly and the girl soon realises that a huge piece of her labia is missing.
- Ouch, when guys say they “wanna smash”, that’s not what they mean. Still she’s lucky she didn’t get an accidental clitoridectomy that night.
2 – There Will Be Blood Pt. 2,
- Braces can be a real burden, not only can they kill your winning smile but they’ll also kill your sex life.
- Well your oral sex life I mean. This story comes from lady sporting head gear, the kind that had little hooks on the side. After her boyfriend starts getting a bit excited with his thrusting, they notice blood pouring from his member.
- Yep, turns out the little hooks had dug in ripped off a 2cm strip of skin from this dude’s dick. I’m sure that thing must have bled for days but at least he learned to be a little gentler.
1 – Mace Face,
- This is a lesson for all those people who don’t wash their hands before touching someone’s junk.
- A guy is waiting for his wife who’s taking a shower. He smells something odd coming from her handbag and starts to rummage around. After failing to find the source he then notices a wet patch where the bag was and rubs his hand over it but can’t identify what it is.
- Later as he is face deep in her crotch she suddenly starts screaming and hitting him. Shocked it finally hits him. His face starts burning like the fires of Mordor. Turns out that wet spot was from a can of pepper spray that had leaked in her purse. That’s a different kind of burning passion.
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