10 Weirdest News Stories From Around The World

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  1. Tripod

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  • In Kenya, there’s a young man who’s unable to have sex because his penis is too large. I know, it sounds like he’s bragging.
  • And ladies, don’t get too excited; from the pictures, it doesn’t look like he should be walking around let alone having sex with anyone. The guy is like a fucking tripod. It’s no wonder he can’t find pants or shorts to fit him, the thing is the size of a toddler. He’s had one surgery to try to reduce the size but he’s still going to need more surgery.
  • It’s only a matter of time until the porn community hire him and convince him not to get it fixed.
  1. Old Man Disguise

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  • Shaun Miller evaded the po-po in a creative way. Since April, he disguised himself as an old man to avoid possession charges.
  • The cops had staked out Miller’s mother’s house and didn’t pay much mind to the old guy that came out until they took a closer look at his eyes. They probably didn’t look as demoralized as old people’s normally are and the cops discovered their man underneath the mask. They also found 30 thou in cash and two loaded weapons.
  • And he woulda got away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling cops.
  1. Balls Up

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama greet His Excellency Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo, President of the Republic of Equatorial Guinea, and First Lady Constancia Mangue de Obiang, in the Blue Room during a U.S.-Africa Leaders Summit dinner at the White House, Aug. 5, 2014. (Official White House Photo by Amanda Lucidon)

  • The president of Equatorial Guinea, probably isn’t someone you’ve heard of, but there are some pretty interesting rumors about his eating habits going around.
  • His opponents maintain that the 76-year-old eats the brains and testicles of his enemies to absorb their power. Apparently it also increases his sexual prowess. You’d think he never heard of Viagra but I guess at 76, some men will take what they can get; a blue pill, a red pill, some sautéed testicles.
  • This guy is actually the longest serving dictator in Africa and overthrew his uncle’s regime when he went crazy and started telling people he was a god. Maybe people are just convinced there’s black magic in his family, or insanity.
  1. Krispy Meth

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  • The cops pulled the 64-year-old man over for speeding and when they saw a crystal-like substance in his car, they figured, “we’re in Florida, so that’s probably meth.”
  • But the poor bastard had actually just eaten a Krispy Kreme doughnut and some of the glaze had fallen on the floor of his car. But of course the cops didn’t believe it and arrested him. You’d think of all professions that’d be able to spot doughnut reside, it’d be a
  • The weirdest part was that the first tests of the substance came back positive for meth and it took weeks for the test to finally clear this guy’s name. It’s no wonder ‘Making a Murderer’ happened in America. This is a ‘Making a Drug Dealer’ set up if I ever heard one.
  1. Monkey See, Monkey Rob

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  • An Indian jewelry store was robbed by an unlikely criminal recently; a monkey stole $150 in cash.
  • This smooth criminal set his sights on the cash register and successfully made off with the goods. This was the second time he’d visited the store; the first time he couldn’t even get in the door. His second visit and he’s already robbing the joint; just goes to show that the ape uprising is upon us.
  • His accomplice, a crow, got distracted by the jewels and was arrested on sight. Nuh I kid, that fucker got away with a shit-tonne of diamonds while the clerks chased the monkey. Suckers.

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