- Suspect Squirrel
- A man called police because of a squirrel on his porch that he said was behaving suspiciously.
- The hopefully intoxicated gentleman was pretty concerned about the squirrel’s intentions. Maybe he was planning a nut heist, or looking for a place to hide his stash of acorns.
- Either way the squirrel was charged with looking shady as hell and found guilty of being up to no good. Somehow though he allowed to go free. Another example that the justice system is just nuts.
- Dial-a-cop
- Police visited Lorna Dudash’s house in 2006 to kindly ask her to turn her music down. Shortly after, she called 911 asking for the officers to come back.
- When asked if there was an emergency, she replied “I’ll come up with something.” Then Lorna finally levelled with the operator, explaining that the cop was a totally buff hottie and that she didn’t get many good looking men on her doorstep.
- The sexy cop did return to her place, so that they could arrest her. She got probation in the end and hopefully she learned her lesson that 911 is not a dial-a-dick service. Despite the presence of dicks once cops arrive.
- Busted Burglary
- A bungling burglar called police after becoming trapped inside the dollar store she was robbing.
- Apparently for this genius, robbery wasn’t as big of deal as the effort it would take to break a window. Not to mention, why rob a dollar store? You can do better lady, aim for the stars.
- She was charged with burglary and criminal trespass. If she gets jail time at least the cops know her strength isn’t in escaping.
- Hot Hooker
- A British man called police to complain that his hooker was butt ugly.
- In true British style, the man complained that the prostitute had breached the ‘Sale of Goods Act’ because she had made out that she was better looking than she actually was.
- The cops couldn’t believe this guy’s stupidity and reminded him that he was the one committing a crime not his ugly hooker. That’s when he hung up on them.
- Lucky for this guy, he got away scot free. So if you get cat-fished by a hooker, the cops can’t help you. Though I’m betting he wasn’t nearly as buff as the ladies’ ideal client either.
- Cracking it
- In 2012 Canadian woman called the cops to ask them to convince her drug dealer to stop putting hallucinogenic drugs in her crack cocaine.
- The pesky dealer was lacing the woman’s favourite with hallucinogens which caused her to hear voices and hallucinate. Poor woman, she just wanted to vacuum this one section of carpet for four hours, not listen to her dog talk about ‘Making a Murderer’ conspiracies.
- At least it wasn’t a complete waste of time for the cops; the woman arrested and so was her dealer. So remember kids: Canadians may be friendly, but not friendly enough to reprimand your drug dealer for you. Lesson learnt.
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