From shameless motion control knockoffs to games made by a company called Chintendo, we count 15 of the worst blatant console clones ever to empty your granddad’s wallet

10 – Game Theory Admiral,

• What seems to be a gameboy advance clone made for people with no money or eyeballs, where you slot bulky cartridges in the top that hangs over the console like a rooftop
• You can’t play gameboy advance games though – you’re stuck with original nintendo games, but only japanese ones since this machine only supports the famicom
• Through the magic of bootleg production, the screen does indeed support colour and even outputs video to your tv so it feels like you’re actually playing a japanese nintendo console while you’re hunched 2 inches away from the screen holding a $2 controller that breaks if you apply pressure

9 – PX 3600,

• Heralded as the official merging of the PS3 and Xbox 360 until you’ve looked at the box at a distance closer than 300 metres – it’s a console that displays a disc drive that can’t actually open, or exist
• You can’t play PS3 games, nor Xbox 360, but a series of low grade pre-installed games with controllers that plug in to what seem to be Atari 2600 ports from the 1970s
• One controller features vibration, more of a dim, vague, occasional pulse than anything else, and the other controller doesn’t vibrate at all – because clearly all of the production cost went into manufacturing the disc tray that they forgot to put in

8 – Nintendo PolyStation,

• PolyStation is actually quite a popular knock-off brand, many different iterations of the same thing – cheap semi-playable crap designed to trick old people and blind parents
• This console doesn’t even know what it wants to rip off – it uses the brand and box of the Nintendo 64, the console design of the Playstation 1, Namco games and a Super Nintendo game cartridge design
• Boasting a million in-built games I shit you not, this console comes with the tagline “It’s just not a game anymore”, as if they’d taken the opening paragraph from its inevitable copyright infringement notice and used it to promote the actual unit
• Also: you might think that’s a disc tray on top of the console, but it’s not – that right there is a cartridge slot

7 – Neo Double Games,

• Infamously terrible, an aesthetic rip-off of the Nintendo DS with none of the features, but instead you’re supposed to physically remove the screen to change each game
• The games themselves are the same ones you’ve played a thousand times featuring LCD people, horribly backlighting and zero fun guaranteed
• Not only is the hinge holding the top screen so flimsy that you have to play on a specific angle lest it crush your fingers, but the bottom screen doesn’t even function – it’s essentially a case to hold your alternative game, one I’m sure you’ll spend hours and hours watching collect piles of dust

6 – Wi Vision,

• Another console attempting to cash in on the Wii’s former explosive success, the Wi Vision comes complete with full HD visual output at a whopping 240×240 resolution and 64 bit colours
• The games you’ll find here will be from the original Nintendo since emulating Super Nintendo games clearly requires super advanced experimental alien technology that costs more money to produce than that which exists in the entire world
• But prepare yourselves, because though this console comes with restrictive, oesophagus-crushing limitations, they do package in wireless controllers all at the low low price of $150

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