From breaking up with cowardly gimmicks to telling your fiancé you just married your secret second girlfriend, we count fourteen horrifying breakup stories that will make you glad to be single!
14 – Hospital Check-In, Boyfriend Check-Out,
- A few years ago a woman in a committed relationship was hit by a distracted driver who had missed a turn. She ended up in hospital with a fractured cervical vertebra.
- The day she was discharged, she was told she needed someone to watch over her for the night to make sure she was okay. Her boyfriend was the obvious candidate, so off they went.
- An hour into it, he told his poor injured partner that he ‘couldn’t do this anymore’. She assumed he meant look after her, but it turned out he meant stay in the relationship. He hightailed it out of there, leaving her alone in her apartment with a fractured neck.
13 – Calculated Breakup,
- Laura was in long-term relationship with one of the guys from her high school. Things were going well and there’d be no signs of problems until one day she walked out of class to find one of his friends waiting for her holding a graphing calculator.
- She was told to read what was on the screen. It was a message from her boyfriend explaining how he wanted to break up.
- He’d broken up with her through a graphing calculator. Points for originality, but that’s just not cool. Calculators are for solving equations and writing ‘boobies’ upside down.
12 – Breakup Songs,
- Martin Belam is a musician who was scheduled to play a gig at a high-profile New Years party. Martin had written a tonne of super romantic love songs about his girlfriend and was excited to play them for her in front of this large crowd.
- Unfortunately in the hour before his gig, Martin and his muse had a little chat where she revealed she no longer loved him.
- A consummate professional, Martin somehow dragged himself on stage to perform his catalogue of love songs about the girl who’d just broken his heart. I’m sure he played rage-fuelled speed metal versions.
11 – Technicality Breakup,
- A Facebook user recounted how he was so dissatisfied with his relationship that he spent days fantasising about breaking up.
- He was ready to enact his plan, but first had to get through his girlfriend’s upcoming birthday, as he didn’t want to ruin the day for her.
- He ended up spending the day with her, acting as normal as possible, but in his head he was literally counting the minutes to midnight so that he technically wouldn’t be the type of guy who breaks up with someone on their birthday.
10 – Swahili Breakup,
- A Reddit user’s boyfriend grew so distant in the lead-up to their breakup that she didn’t see or hear from him for three whole weeks.
- Growing concerned, she kept bugging him until she finally received an update via text message from her boyfriend’s best friend. Unfortunately the text message was a breakup written entirely in Swahili – she had to painstakingly translate her own rejection.
9 – Comic Sans Breakup,
- In the summer between her junior and sophomore years of college, Amy accepted a marriage proposal from her high school boyfriend.
- Things went well for awhile, until one afternoon, as she scrambled to finish her homework in a computer lab, she received an instant message that said: ‘I don’t think I can do this anymore.’
- When she asked him what was wrong, he gave her a lengthy list of reasons why she was ‘no longer suitable for the role of his fiancée’. The horrifying part is that the font he wrote all this in was twelve-point lime green Comic Sans. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
8 – Technology Abuse,
- The mid 2000s were a rough time to date. It was the Wild West, with social lives and technology mixing for the first time.
- One young woman’s first love broke up with her via AIM Away Message. It turned out he couldn’t be bothered to call or even IM her, so put the news up for everyone to see.