10 – Frowning,

• If you’re planning to visit Milan any time soon, make sure you pack your best smile.
• The Italian city has imposed a ban on frowning. It is now a legal requirement to smile at all times. Mercifully, there are two exceptions: during funerals and hospital visits.
• Sad sacks who dare disobey this rule are warned that they face serious fines.

9 – Dancing,

• In 1948, Japan passed a law that banned dancing at public venues. Citizens were only permitted to dance until midnight at properly licensed clubs.
• This ban was originally introduced as a means to cut out prostitution, which was linked to dancing establishments.
• In recent years, police raids have actually been enforced to break up illegal dancing, and ‘no dancing’ signs have been posted in establishments across the country. This no-dancing law has put a serious dampener on the country’s otherwise thriving electronic music industry. Businesses suffered as club owners, not wanting to be charged with facilitating any of that hip-shaking nonsense, were pressured into removing dance floors altogether.
• In 2014 – yes, that recently – the Japanese government finally reneged, lifting this ridiculous ban. It’s believed the forthcoming 2020 Tokyo Olympics played a large part in this decision.
• A new category of all-night dance clubs will now be introduced. However, there is a small caveat: the lighting in these venues must be brighter than 10lux, which is the amount of light produced by ten candles from a distance of three feet away. Supposedly, this will discourage sketchy behavior. Oh, Japan.

8 – Schoolyard Fun,

• Schools have often been at the forefront of crazy bans, with overprotective adults seeking to protect kids from all the perceived evils out there. Unfortunately, protection measures have gotten increasingly out of hand as schooling environments – and society at large – succumbs to political correctness. Underestimating young people and dictating what’s appropriate for them usually has disastrous results, but no one seems to have picked up on this yet.
• For example: because students were getting too hurt at recess, a Port Washington middle school has banned all ball games and rough play. This prohibits kids from playing football, soccer, baseball, lacrosse or rough tag. Cartwheels are only permitted if supervised by a coach. At this stage, cloud-watching is okay, but stay tuned for further developments.
• A private school in London has banned having best friends. The headmaster says the concept is possessive and ostracises those who aren’t included. I wonder what his take on marriage is. I’m sure many feel ostracised that Megan Fox has excluded them from her union.
• A preschool has urged parents to ban their kids from watching superhero movies. Apparently, superhero stories invoke violence and instil questionable morals. So, wait – they haven’t been teaching us bravery and how to stand up for what’s right?
• Finally, several American schools have banned hugging and hand-holding. Suspensions have actually been issued over these offences. In fact, Tennessee’s State Senate recently passed a bill naming hand-holding as a gateway sexual activity. Parents, don’t let your kids get in on any of this sweet, hand-holding action.

7 – Western Hairstyles,

• In a ridiculous bid sure to further cultural divide, Iran has banned what it defines as certain ‘western’ hairstyles. This measure was taken to prevent the impending spread of decadent western culture.
• To prevent exposure to depraved American and European culture, the Iranian government has issued a list of government-approved hairstyles.
• Banned ‘western’ styles include overly spiked or gelled hair, the ponytail and the always-classy mullet. Barbers who fail to comply could be shut down or fined.
• Look, this is just absurd. Without the mullet, how is anyone going to recognise their area’s lower-class scumbags?

6 – Ketchup,

• France is one of the food capitals of the world, and the French are renowned connoisseurs. Unfortunately, they’ve decided the all-American ketchup doesn’t fit into their nation’s grand culinary design.
• The beloved condiment has been banned from all school and college cafeterias throughout France in an effort to minimise students’ sugar consumption and protect the traditional Gallic cuisine.
• Kids are also not permitted to bring in ketchup from home, as the French believe it drowns out other foods’ flavours.
• However, one exception has been made: ketchup is permitted on French fries.

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