Intro – From filthy dick crabs to awful pun-tastic hair salons, we count 15 of the dumbest business names of all time.

 

15 – Crabs

• If you’ve never had crabs from dirty dicks, have you really even lived?
• Get your crabs crabby and your dicks dirty in the quaint little town of ‘Kill Devil Hills’ in the United Kingdom. There’s nothing nicer than some full-blown crabs straight from Dirty Dick himself.
• Maybe for dessert you can go get some ice cream from Harry Herpes or waffles from Old Greg Gonorrhoea

14 – Lady Wank

• If you’re in china, be sure to pop into this boutique-clothing store.
• Finally you can cover your whole body in 100% genuine Wanko. This wanko store is specifically for all you lady wankos out there.
• Because it’s 2016 and a woman can shop wherever she damn well wanks, I mean wants.

13 – Glory to Thee

• Bless the cotton socks of whichever old lady thought this shop name was appropriate.
• You can find this God-sanctioned Glory Hole in the main street of Blairmore in Scotland. They sell books, toys, bric-a-brac and definitely not discreet anonymous sexual encounters.
• If you ever go to Scotland, be sure to get your fanny into a local glory hole.

12 – Fat Food

• Advertising can be so subtle you might not even realise you’re being brainwashed.
• If you’ve ever visited this Chinese takeaway in Wicklow, Ireland you might be suddenly inspired to go to a gym for some reason.
• Soon Fatt, Soon Obese, Soon Dead from adult onset type 2 Diabetes

11 – Market

• Is your old stinky ass getting saggy and boring? Need a new and exciting butt?
• Well today is your lucky day, because now you can visit the Butt Market. I can only ass-ume that the words underneath are advertising freshly prepared buttocks and the latest season of ba-donk-a-donks.

10 – Mei Wot M8?

• Everyone knows in China that there’s only one place to go for a new hairstyle.
• Mei Dick will give you such a good haircut that you’ll want to go straight out and buy yourself some new shoes. But don’t worry, because Mei Dick will also sell you a sweet pair of Jordans too.
• If you ask me, Mei Dick is the only Dick in China.

9 – Don’t Even Worry About Consent Store.

• Rapists rejoice, there’s a special place in this shopping mall just for you. Oh and also hell. If you’re a rapist you’re going to hell.
• But anyway, that got weird. This store is called ‘Rape’. And if you look closely, there’s a 50% off sale at the Rape store. Us humans really have gone waaaay too far this time.

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