15 Dumbest Business Names of All Time


Intro – From filthy dick crabs to awful pun-tastic hair salons, we count 15 of the dumbest business names of all time.


15 – Crabs

crab house NY
crab house NY
  • If you’ve never had crabs from dirty dicks, have you really even lived?
  • Get your crabs crabby and your dicks dirty in the quaint little town of ‘Kill Devil Hills’ in the United Kingdom. There’s nothing nicer than some full-blown crabs straight from Dirty Dick himself.
  • Maybe for dessert you can go get some ice cream from Harry Herpes or waffles from Old Greg Gonorrhoea

14 – Lady Wank


  • If you’re in china, be sure to pop into this boutique-clothing store.
  • Finally you can cover your whole body in 100% genuine Wanko. This wanko store is specifically for all you lady wankos out there.
  • Because it’s 2016 and a woman can shop wherever she damn well wanks, I mean wants.

13 – Glory to Thee


  • Bless the cotton socks of whichever old lady thought this shop name was appropriate.
  • You can find this God-sanctioned Glory Hole in the main street of Blairmore in Scotland. They sell books, toys, bric-a-brac and definitely not discreet anonymous sexual encounters.
  • If you ever go to Scotland, be sure to get your fanny into a local glory hole.

12 – Fat Food


  • Advertising can be so subtle you might not even realise you’re being brainwashed.
  • If you’ve ever visited this Chinese takeaway in Wicklow, Ireland you might be suddenly inspired to go to a gym for some reason.
  • Soon Fatt, Soon Obese, Soon Dead from adult onset type 2 Diabetes

11 – Market


  • Is your old stinky ass getting saggy and boring? Need a new and exciting butt?
  • Well today is your lucky day, because now you can visit the Butt Market. I can only ass-ume that the words underneath are advertising freshly prepared buttocks and the latest season of ba-donk-a-donks.

10 – Mei Wot M8?


  • Everyone knows in China that there’s only one place to go for a new hairstyle.
  • Mei Dick will give you such a good haircut that you’ll want to go straight out and buy yourself some new shoes. But don’t worry, because Mei Dick will also sell you a sweet pair of Jordans too.
  • If you ask me, Mei Dick is the only Dick in China.

9 – Don’t Even Worry About Consent Store.


  • Rapists rejoice, there’s a special place in this shopping mall just for you. Oh and also hell. If you’re a rapist you’re going to hell.
  • But anyway, that got weird. This store is called ‘Rape’. And if you look closely, there’s a 50% off sale at the Rape store. Us humans really have gone waaaay too far this time.


  • No (34%)
  • Wat (28%)
  • Lewd (23%)
  • Epic (11%)
  • Creepy (4%)