15 Dumbest Video Game Weapons

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From weapons created from bad logic to random objects magically turned into a weapon for some reason, we count 15 of the dumbest video game weapons.

15 – Knife – (Almost Every Modern Shooter),

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  • Knives are about as basic of a weapon as you can get, but in some video games, namely Call of Duty, they are magical weapons of amazing destruction when you get close enough to your enemy.
  • When you think about it for more than one second you realise just how ridiculous they are in video games, I’m pretty sure a gun is more effective at killing someone, especially when you’re close to your target.
  • But for some reason they do way more damage than a shot to the heart when you cut someone from behind, I mean I get it from a gameplay perspective but it’s still pretty dumb.

14 – Fat Man – Fallout 3,

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  • No matter how you think of it, using a nuke in close proximity to yourself is simply not a good idea, even if the wasteland is already full of radiation it’s not smart to subject yourself to more than necessary.
  • Of course it’s video game logic and the size of the fatman explosion is vastly smaller than any nuke we’ve ever made or even any that we believe to be physically possible unless you use incredibly difficult to make elements like californium and shoot it much further away.
  • On the other hand who gives a toss, a hand held rocket-launcher that shoots mini nukes is awesome as all buggery and it’s sure as hell fun to use.

13 – Logarius’s Wheel – Bloodborne,

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  • This is a wheel that you use to kill things, not any of those fancy wheels made for asphalt, oh no, it’s a good old fashioned wagon wheel that you take and you push blood zombie heads in.
  • No it doesn’t make a lick of sense to use this over a gun or even the giant mallet, because really it’s just made of wood with a bit of steel to reinforce it.
  • The only real explanation for using this as a weapon is: ‘it’s magic I ain’t gotta explain dick’.

12 – Gunblade – Final Fantasy 8,

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  • There’s two types of gun blades in final fantasy but we’re going to focus on the one introduced in FF8.
  • It’s designed to shoot the blade with gunpowder to make it vibrate in order to cut things better and I hope I don’t need to tell you why that doesn’t work in the real world.
  • It doesn’t even deserve the rule of cool logic since it doesn’t make any sense unless you didn’t pass science in high school; I don’t get why they didn’t just make it magic so at least some suspension of disbelief could be involved.

11 – Cluck Shot – Gears of War,

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  • Now this is how you look at logic with your brown eye and shit all over everything it stands for, if you’re going to be ridiculous go all out, no holds barred and just be as stupid as possible in order to get a laugh.
  • The cluck shot is a grenade launcher that fires live chickens that explode because the game says so and it’s not in the game unless you go through a series of convoluted steps, much like Mr. Toots from Red Faction.

10 – Sheep – Worms,

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  • If you think of Worms chances are the exploding sheep pop into your mind, along with the holy hand grenade and the banana bomb.
  • But the sheep is clearly the winner of the dumbest weapon in the game, but like the cluck shot it’s so dumb that it loops back around to being awesome, plus it’s not that farfetched to use a sheep as a kamikaze weapon.
  • The only problem with the sheep is the fact that it’s a right pain in the bollocks to use, although it makes up for the unwieldiness with its high damage, however, if you’re anything like me that damage will probably end up blowing up the worm that used it.

9 – Pizza Cutter – Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced,

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  • Funnily enough Pizza Cutter isn’t the official name of this incredibly dumb weapon, it’s apparently called the Judge Sword.
  • I’m guessing the name comes from the fact that everyone is openly judging the person that designed it and by judging I mean pointing, laughing and possibly throwing rotten tomatoes or worse.
  • Just look at it: it’s made of glass, is stupidly oversized, has a pointless chain and doesn’t look like it’d cut down a sapling unless you count the sheer weight crushing the wood to a point where it snaps as cutting.

8 – Kuribo’s Shoe – Super Mario Brothers 3,

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  • Mario has one innate power, he jumps and when he lands his jump on top of a monster it kills them, so why did Nintendo think a giant wind-up boot would be a good idea?
  • Sure the novelty factor is entertaining and it’s only in one level, but it’s still stupid, why not give Mario an ability he doesn’t already have?
  • Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to use I just think they could have thought of an ability that did more than just make Mario better than what he’s already good at.

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