From onions wearing pointy boots to bowling enthusiasts, we count 15 of the most useless video game characters of all time.
15 – Peco – Breath of Fire III,
- Peco serves no tangible service to the plot, except for one part right near the end, but apart from that he’s basically just an onion with pointy shoes that does about as much as an actual onion would.
- When he enters your party he’s also incredibly under-levelled, making you go out of your way to level him up to be anywhere decent.
- Yes near the end of the game he actually can do and take quite a bit of damage, but it’s honestly not worth the bother with the other more interesting characters in the roster.
14 – Ashley – Resident Evil 4,
- Ashley’s sole purpose is to make you search out dumpsters wherever you go, for the rest of your life.
- No one likes escort missions, except for those crazy people, and I can’t fathom why any developer would think otherwise, maybe those long hours staring at nothing but coding sent them loopy.
- At the very least the developers gave you the option to get her to hide in dumpsters, although that really begs the question as to why she’s even in the game, her main purpose seems to be to make you constantly backtrack to the dumpster you left her in for no reason.
13 – Negative Man – Mother 3,
- I mean yeah, he’s supposed to be useless, that’s the joke, of course, but that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t earned his place on this list.
- Negative Man is a boss that you fight reasonably early in the game, and by boss I mean there’s only one of him and by fight I mean beat senseless with almost no resistance.
- If he ever does decide to stop whining about how life’s unfair, he’ll attack you for a whopping 1 hit point of damage, so you better bring lots of food to restore your health, he’s a toughy.
12 – Pichu – Super Smash Bros Melee,
- Generally in smash bros you’re going to want a fast character, but having a fast speed does not make up for flying off the screen at the slightest cough from just about any other character.
- To make matters worse, Pichu also can damage itself from its own lightning attacks, which makes about as much sense as a fish drowning because it’s in too much water.
- It’s not the absolute worst character in the roster, but it definitely feels that way and you really have no reason not to play its superior version: Pikachu.
11 – Roman – Grand Theft Auto IV,
- Everyone who plays GTA IV remembers Roman, it’s hard not to with him calling you about bowling or him telling you how much he loves big fake boobs on American women.
- Equal parts useless as he is annoying, but really all those phone calls asking about bowling could be forgiven if his place in the story equated to something more than just being a fat Russian manchild that gets kidnapped.
10 – Roll – Marvel vs Capcom series,
- Roll is so noteworthy that she’s put in a special character on tier lists, ‘roll tier’, but of course this isn’t a positive thing, but instead a monument to just how useless she is.
- It doesn’t help the fact that in Megaman her purpose is to do household chores, so why on Earth was she included in a fighting game? I have no clue.
- It seems that Dr Light just got bored with his rumba and turned it into a child robot because why not?
9 – Kairi – Kingdom Hearts,
- Kairi doesn’t actually do anything in Kingdom Hearts 1, all she does is give Sora a reason to go on a journey through a bunch of Disney universes.
- Except she doesn’t even do that properly, in fact Sora’s main motivation is actually to find his rival, Riku, so much so that when he finally does find Kairi he does all but ignore her.
- But at least in the later games she has some use in the narrative as being someone who is so pure that the darkness really doesn’t want her to be around anymore.
8 – Vaan – Final Fantasy XII,
- Vaan is supposed to be the main character of this game, but really he doesn’t actually do anything in the plot, not only that but he’s also not really worth keeping in your party of three.
- But at least he’s a well thought out character that has such great motivations as ‘I want to be a sky pirate’ and ‘I really, really want to be a sky pirate.’
- Basically his entire purpose in the game is to be a foil and a crutch for the writer to insert a bunch of exposition that the player really doesn’t need.