15 Things In Your House Dirtier Than A Toilet


From things you’ve never thought about washing like keys to drooling on pillows allowing thousands of bacteria to produce, we count 15 disgusting, grimy accumulators of bacteria found all around your home

15 – Keyboards


  • It’s the simple question of: how long has it been since you changed or disinfected your keyboard?
  • According to a U.K study in 2008, these things have been known to carry as much as five times more bacteria than from a toilet, simply because they don’t get cleaned
  • That’s IF you’ve wiped the dust from your numpad and F1 through 12 keys, you filthy gremlin

14 – Toothbrush


  • You might think, hey, all I gotta do is brush with this thing twice daily and my teeth will be white in no time
  • What you don’t realise though is that when you wash it off and leave it moist, bacteria swarms around and gunks up the toothbrush head
  • Even worse is that, assuming you keep it within 20 feet of the toilet, fecal bacteria will spray through the air and land on your toothbrush
  • You are now wiping your teeth with your own shit – good job

13 – Game Controller


  • You’re playing Grand Theft Auto, you crash the car and your character dies – well, at least he doesn’t have to deal with the fact that your controller has five times more bacteria than a toilet bowl
  • This was data procured by Domestos and Unicef that revealed each controller held 7,800 germs per 100cm²
  • So next time you step up to play some PS4, you might want to consider wearing surgeon’s gloves lest you handshake a family member and KILL them

12 – Sponges


  • You might be all like, well, of course sponges hold bacteria, that’s what they’re designed to clean up
  • Well, sit down and prepare your rectal cavities for this little droplet of info – these sponges are 200,000 times dirtier than if you were to drink from inside your toilet
  • You can microwave the sponge for 2 minutes to kill the bacteria, or leave cleanser on the sponge for an hour and scrub it, or, alternatively, end your own life before the bacteria does the job for you

11 – Cutting Board


  • There’s an old saying, “it’s safer to make a salad on the toilet seat than to use one of your old cutting boards”
  • Unless you were born under a rock on Mars you likely know that preparing poultry and raw meat tends to leave bacteria like salmonella on the chopping board unless you clean it pronto
  • It’s recommended to use two different boards for meat and vegetables, or use one board for both and then not eat the food, or use no board and just eat out of the toilet assuming that you are, in fact, a dog

10 – TV Remote


  • You’ll often find this thing on the floor, between someone’s legs, in the midst of a family members coughing fit or in the dogs mouth
  • And then your sibling will turn around to say, “oh man, how did I get this nasty flu? It makes 0 sense”
  • Well, gee, let me take a wild indiscriminate guess – it couldn’t be because half of all remotes carry flu-born bacteria and there’s some kind of unidentifiable discharge leaking out of the battery compartment, right?
  • Now, the trick to avoid getting infected by TV remote bacteria is to not have hands

9 – Pillows


  • So, you’re doing things in bed that cause tsunamis to sweat off your body – you wipe it away with the pillow and problem solved
  • No, problem not solved – it’s precisely BECAUSE your sweat or saliva is on the pillow that bacteria is allowed to grow, only for you to inhale it while you sleep and then you get leprosy and from that point on you’ll have to be kept under the floorboards with the rest of your mutant comrades
  • It’s important that you often take off your bedsheets and burn them in an oven

8 – Smartphone


  • This comes as a surprise to absolutely no-one but pawing at your phone screen with fingers covered in the crimson goo of a dead elephant tends to leave bacteria on your $700 piece of equipment
  • According to MSNBC, these phones carry 500 times more bacteria than a toilet, and 18 times more than the flush handle of a typical men’s restroom
  • So the next time your friend hands you their phone to look at the latest playable garbage from the app store, you should sue them for attempted manslaughter

7 – Carpets


  • According to menshealth.com – the average carpet contains over 200,000 bacteria per square inch, 4,000 times filthier than your toilet seat
  • They’ve been compared to botanical and zoological parks, with hundreds of thousands of different species living under your feet
  • So take heed, every time you walk into your living room, you’re murdering dozens of species of bacteria and, because you didn’t wipe your boots, also giving birth to a whole new colony
  • You should feel proud

6 – Light Switch


  • Some things never occur to you to clean; in fact, more often than not you’d actively AVOID cleaning the light switch so it wouldn’t short it out or something
  • This is just ludicrous though, and surely pouring water on an electrical appliance will lead to nothing bad
  • But next time you bust out the filth-ridden sponge to give the wall a good ol’ spit and polish, you should take a gander at all 200 bacteria per square on a light switch plate

5 – Toys


  • If you have kids around, I can guarantee they’ve infected every single toy they own with saliva, mud from outside and skin flakes
  • Teddy bears and plush toys usually have two times the bacteria of a toilet, while bicycles have over 15 and outdoor trampolines have 400 times bouncing all over the place
  • The solution is to give your child a glob of disinfectant and have them play with that, thus cleaning both themselves and their many possessions

4 – Steering Wheel


  • Some researchers at The Queen Mary University discovered that over 700 kinds of bacteria inhabit each square inch of a steering wheel, with it being 9 times dirtier than a toilet
  • In fact, almost half of ALL drivers regularly eat food in their car, but since the fast food they wolf down have bacteria of their own, their car is basically a death-trap, a giant motorised bag of rat poison
  • This is pretty easy to avoid though – just purchase a new car every week and give the old diseased vehicle to someone you don’t like

3 – Restaurant Menus


  • Scientists have found that the average restaurant menu carries over 185,000 bacteria all along the edges
  • According to one microbiologist, we probably have about 100 times more bacteria on the menu than on a toilet seat in a restroom
  • So next time you get some soup and find a fly in it, just be thankful you didn’t find a restaurant menu embedded in your food

2 – Keys


  • Have you ever thought about washing your keys? Well you should, because these things end up at the bottom of bags, on the table, next to your testicles or in someone else’s hands
  • Sometimes the key links themselves collect grime, or the key which has been pushed in and out of a dusty keyhole for years
  • There’s no way around this one – if your keys are infected, abandon your car, your house and your family then live on the street where you’re safe from grimy keys

1 – Bottom Shelf of the Fridge


  • This is a crazy one, and it likely never occurred to you, but moisture and condensation tends to drip from the top levels of your fridge and inevitably run downwards
  • You’ll whack some produce on the bottom shelf with meats above left to defrost, and bacteria will run rampant
  • So, you may want to consider abandoning traditional food to survive on cup noodle with the occasional biscuit – but only on a plastic plate, with surgical gloves in a quarantine shelter













  • Wat (33%)
  • Lewd (22%)
  • No (18%)
  • Creepy (14%)
  • Epic (12%)