15 Useless Pet Toys & Products


From designer clothing for your pets to religious ceremonies intended to convert your dog to a certain faith we count 15 toys, items and services bought for pets that defy logic and intelligence.

talking-babble-ball-talking-dog-toy-229-p15 – Babble Ball,


  • This is a toy you give your dog that, when played with or even touched slightly, will shriek with barnyard animal noises without end
  • So, you’ve willingly given your dog a thing that he can annoy you with for hours on end, a ball that will ring at 2am with oinks from a pig throughout your entire house
  • This is a great toy if you don’t like being asleep – ever

14 – Neuticles,


  • So, you’ve had your dog neutered and now he’s feeling all depressed because he doesn’t have pelvic dice to swing round anymore
  • Well the solution is here – fake testicles inserted into the dogs wound that supposedly boost their self-esteem and will stop other dogs from laughing at him while on walks
  • In fact, you can put the dog to sleep and replace its testicles without it ever knowing a thing, apart from the excruciating pain and rigid unnatural surface of the interior – it’s a mild giveaway

13 – Wearable Dog House,


  • The market for this one is huge, tens of millions of dog owners who don’t have a home themselves but still want their dog to be comfortable
  • The house straps around your shoulders and torso and clips on a Batman utility belt, allowing you to walk through the streets confident you don’t look like a pregnant martian carrying a giant loaf of bread baby
  • Unfortunately you can’t carry around big dogs in the wearable house, but you CAN carry a smartphone inside it so you can Skype the dog and pretend it’s with you because you’re the sort of sane person that buys a wearable dog house

12 – Bark Mitzvah,


  • An off-shoot of the Jewish religious ceremony which is of a boy becoming a man, instead, a dog becomes a Jewish dog
  • Often the ceremony comes in cheap, usually a hundred dollars tops simply to make the man’s best religious friend thing official – but some spend tens of thousands of dollars on it, with a catering hall, food, bar and hundreds of people to watch a dog become a dog
  • Any excuse for a party I guess

11 – Penthouse Dog Potty,


  • Alright, you have an outdoor dog but you happen to live in a house or apartment with no backyard, garden or dirt of any description – first off, well done picking a terrible environment for a dog
  • But the solution is here: a small piece of greenery you can set outside on the patio to emulate a real life garden, just like all them regular folks have got
  • Of course, taking the dog out for a walk to do their business is not an option, oh no, that would require valuable energy for leg movement


  • Epic (33%)
  • Wat (33%)
  • Lewd (15%)
  • No (9%)
  • Creepy (9%)

One thought on “15 Useless Pet Toys & Products

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