15 Weirdest Forms of Birth Control Found in History

1

10 – Honey Soaked Tampons,

3

  • Well more accurately Honey, Acacia and Date soaked bits of wool but who cares about accuracy amirite?
  • Back in 1550 BC we have the first recorded use of Egyptian ladies soaking seed wool with the mixture and putting it where all tampons go. But that must just be some crazy useless mixture right?
  • Well turns out Acacia can ferment in lactic acid which is a modern spermicide meaning that once again those damn ancient Egyptians have our modern science. I’m not saying its aliens but….

9 – Tortoise Shell Condoms,

1

  • Finally one for the men to take care of, haven’t got any honey around so I best get out my tortoise shell.
  • While most of the world was using animal intestines for dick wrappers, the Japanese thought “nah not weird enough” and someone promptly made a penis sheath made of hard shell. Or even sometimes animal horn. Talk about horny ey!
  • While most likely not very comfortable for woman and probably definitely not for the man they would have been 100% effective. Well Japan no one can accuse you of not being efficient.

8 – Sneeze and Squat,

1

  • Well if you don’t like bodily fluids getting everywhere we suggest that you avoid this very messy alternative to the pill.
  • Going back to ancient Greece it was said that right after sex a woman should go and do a bunch of squats while trying to time them with sneezing, leading to snot and semen now being the primary decoration of your living room carpet.
  • Needless to say this was a pretty useless practice but at least you would end up with some killer glutes after all those post sex squats. Too bad the eventual pregnancy would ruin them. Easy come easy go.

7 – Crocodile Shit,

1

  • And back to ancient Egypt which seems to be the home of “let’s stick random things inside women until they stop having babies.”
  • This time we have some lovely crocodile excrement that would be pasted around and inside the birth cannel to create a barrier that we assume the sperm would be just too disgusted to swim through. Bingo! No more kids.
  • Of course this was only used until aliens came to visit the Egypt and gave them the magic honey tampon technology. It’s all true because I saw it on the history channel guys.

6 – Beaver Testicles,

2

  • Yes using on genital innuendo named animal’s genitals are a sure fire way to never have children ever.
  • That’s what 16th century Canadians thought when they causal decided that drying up beaver testes, grinding them into a powder and mixing them with alcohol was the best idea they could come up with. See the beaver sperm cancels out your sperm.
  • But hey can’t be too hard on this one, at least you could blame being black out drunk from contraception for why you didn’t last long enough in bed.

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT PAGE

Reactions
  • Lewd (47%)
  • Wat (28%)
  • Epic (11%)
  • Creepy (7%)
  • No (7%)