15 Worst Comic Book Superheroes Ever

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From superheroes that can only pick up radio, to people that can only teleport very small distances, we count 15 incredibly useless comic book characters ever to waste their presence on your eyeballs.

15 – Dogwelder

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  • This one is owned by DC Comics, part of Garth Ennis’ Hitman series, and Dogwelder is one member of a superhero gang known as Section 8
  • Most of their members have crazy powers like this one guy who gets his strength from drinking liquor, but Dogwelder takes the cake – his ability is to weld dogs to a person’s face
  • That’s it, that’s how he fights crimes – he full-on whips out a blowtorch and welds a dog on to your face
  • Because, I mean, without dogs, a blowtorch is useless – surely

14 – Almighty Dollar

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  • This was created by Buzz Dixon, Mike DeCarlo and Jose Delbo – a character named J Pennington Pennypacker who attends a self-esteem camp and ends up with a superpower from a mad scientist
  • What can he do? Well, he can shoot money out of his wrist, but not just money – pennies, one cent coins
  • Apparently his superpower is so worthless that countries like Australia don’t even recognise the thing he attacks enemies with

13 – Cypher

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  • A Marvel creation for the X-Men line-up, you might’ve heard of him – he’s the guy who can translate things, that’s his superpower
  • He’d crop up every so often to read some ancient text, or read some body language, pretty much worthless so Marvel had him killed off, then brought back to life with some slightly more useful powers, then killed him again, and brought him back
  • He’s that superhero you bring back to life every time you can’t read the label on a tin of baked beans, then immediately kill so you don’t have to deal with anymore

12 – Red Bee

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  • This guy first appeared in the 1940s not by Marvel or DC, but Quality Comics, later bought by DC
  • His powers were to attack people with trained bees and a stinger gun and he proved so popular that no company bought license to own him and he entered public domain – so now anyone can continue the adventures of Rick Raleigh the Red Bee
  • You’ll have lots of fun explaining why he keeps his favourite bee named Michael inside his belt buckle to be used only for “special circumstances”
  • I’m looking forward to it

11 – Skateman

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  • You know those times you create a comic book character so fantastic that it gets cancelled after one issue? Meet Skateman, who has no superpowers and whose only defining traits are that he has a scarf on his face and fights crime on roller skates
  • In 1990, Kitchen Sink Press awarded this single issue as the worst comic of the past 25 years
  • Which I feel is undeserved since it allows me to live out my fantasy about doing stupid things for no reason

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