10 – Legion of Superpets

• You might’ve heard about Krypto the superdog, who Jor-El, Superman’s father, sent from Krypton before it exploded in a test rocket to make sure it worked
• But did you also know that he ALSO sent a monkey called Beppo in another test rocket too?
• The superpet legion also contains Streaky the Supercat who was infected with X-Kryptonite that apparently gives animals Superman’s powers
• Additionally, you have Comet the Superhorse who can transform into a human and make love to Supergirl once a year before he becomes her pet horse again
• All wear capes and follow orders from Superman – this is actually a thing

9 – Squirrel Girl

• 1992, Marvel, you know you’ve run out of ideas when you literally take the traits of a forest animal, give them to a character and call it a superpower
• Squirrel Girl can talk to squirrels, and she has squirrel-like abilities, and she can tell squirrels to do stuff – also she looks somewhat like a squirrel
• She was a member of the Great Lakes Avengers, and now she sometimes acts as a nanny for Luke Cage while attending NCU
• She’s pretty nuts ahahahahahaha! 😐

8 – Razorback

• This is like Squirrel Girl, but worse, and he looks like someone trying to dress up as a character from Dota 2
• He first appears in The Spectacular Spider-Man, a man that dresses up like a pig to fight crime – that’s right, he doesn’t even HAVE pig-like powers, he just wears the head-piece and that’s his thing
• But he does have a superpower, oh yes, he can drive ANY vehicle – a pig, that can drive ANY vehicle
• I’ve tried thinking about whether it’s a metaphor, or it symbolises car drivers, but no – it’s just a damn pig that can drive ANY car
• Well done

7 – Matter Eater Lad

• This one made it into the Legion of Super-Heroes, part of DCs line-up of teens from the 31st century
• This guy barely made it in with a technicality – his power is that he can eat any substance like bricks, doors and vegetables without dying
• That’s it. He can’t fight, he has no other powers, he can just eat things and not die
• I want you to think about the practicality for one second – other superheroes can punch through locked doors, melt warheads with their eyeballs, but this assclown can do nothing but eat things and not die
• Under what circumstance is that useful?

6 – Infectious Lass

• Here’s one that did NOT make it into the Legion of Super-Heroes, an alien from the planet Somhtur, where everyone is a walking infectious disease
• Her superpower is that she makes people feel sick when she shows up – she is the epitome of germ warfare
• While she can aim and control her infectiousness, she usually hits her allies by accident anyway – so much that she’s really not worth taking anywhere, unless you need a day off school

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