15 Worst Conspiracies Of All Time

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From weather generators securing presidential elections to entire periods of history that apparently never happened, we count 15 outrageous real-life conspiracies that have developed over the years

15 – Fake Moon Landing,

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  • It was all done in a Hollywood studio with cameras and special effects, simply so America could beat the Soviets in the space race
  • It was all so top secret that even astronauts weren’t informed, they were transported in billion dollar equipment and rocket ships to L.A where wardrobe and makeup prepped their space suits for a 1969 television special
  • In fact, this conspiracy is so filled with truth that the space station currently floating above our world is actually tunnelling underground in a mole machine using long-distance magnets to hold a camera in orbit so it just SEEMS like they’re floating in space
  • The human race might not have landed on the Moon, but we’re pretty good at making up stupid crap

14 – Cthulhu is real,

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  • It was in 1997 that we heard an ultra-low frequency underwater murmur from deep beneath a remote point of the pacific ocean
  • It somewhat resembled a sound something alive would make, but way louder than a blue whale, known itself to be the loudest animal ever – and to make things worse, it occurred very close to the supposed fictional city of R’lyeh from Lovecraft’s stories
  • Around the world we’re still preparing for the arrival of our malevolent underwater-dwelling deity, but so far he’s stood us up and we don’t need to take this – we’re a single, independent species who don’t need no Elder God

13 – Occupy Wall Street

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  • Every time a radical group pops up supporting some belief we don’t find mainstream, more often than not we see them as brainwashed
  • According to one conspiracy, the OWS is controlled by the internet group Anonymous intended to plunge America into civil war – by pushing drugs and raping protestors
  • That’s it – that’s the scope of their plan, to toke up and drop trou on the nearest people in a one mile radius who don’t support their belief
  • Because nothing says, we’re the good guys like pushing your junk in their face in the name of anti-capitalism

12 – Wingdings font

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  • When you type the letters NYC into that Word font we’ve all used at least once which transforms letters into symbols, it shows up with a skull, a Star of David and a thumbs up
  • Conspiracy theorists claim this is definitive proof there’s a secret message approving the murdering of Jews specifically in New York City
  • Likewise the letters Q33NY change into an image of the Twin Tower attacks from September 11th, which is clear proof that letters from a crazy front was warning us about a terrorist attack well in advance using the obscure no-relation letters Q33NY
  • Al-Queda likely typed the numbers 58008 into their calculators to trigger the attack

11 – Star Gate

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  • We all know about the Large Hadron Collider built by CERN and how it nearly destroyed the world by producing a miniature black hole, a conspiracy in itself
  • But what about those some scientists building a star gate to revive the Egyptian god of death, Osiris? With photographic proof of the Hindu god Shiva standing at the entrance of the Large Hadron Collider?
  • Allegations were thrown around, scientists laughed and laughed, and we never could find this fabled star gate into the underworld – but perhaps the answer lies in the holy scribe of Wingdings

10 – Middle Ages

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  • According to German publisher Heribert Illig, that era known to human kind as the middle ages, get this, NEVER HAPPENED
  • A series of forgeries and manipulations by the Vatican, books rewritten, false accounts created – no, in the early middle ages, 300 years elapsed and everything we know about it is wrong
  • For all we know, the Earth opened up and mole people took over, but we’ll never know because one signature on some 1,500 year old parchment looks a bit wonky

9 – President Obama

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  • You might think this topic on the list is about his election, or about some deeply personal matter that has to do with his presidency – but no, some people claim President Obama can control weather with a magical machine
  • Every time Obama gets in a scandal or embarrassing situation, a tornado shows up, or a catastrophic storm shows up secures his re-election – and it happens so frequently that we’re apparently getting suspicious
  • From theories about the involvement of X-Men to convincing graph images that demonstrate nature can’t just do this shit, I for one am convinced beyond reason

8 – Pyramid Conductors

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  • This comes from a series of stone reliefs found at the Dendera Temple complex, which, on close inspection, seem to resemble electrical lighting systems and circuits
  • Furthermore, the empty pyramid passageways couldn’t have been lit by torches that crumbled away – no, it must’ve been electricity running through the walls
  • Forgetting the enormous pile of hieroglyph material which detail ancient Egyptian life, and ignoring the impossibility of our species discovering a life-changing formula and, whoops, forgetting it because magically lighting things is so 10,000 AD, clearly Egypt was an advanced civilisation that lived in electronic luxury while plebs wrote about simple things like agriculture because discussing inventions and discoveries was forbidden
  • I see no holes in this logic

7 – Xbox One

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  • Bit of controversy over the unveiling of this gaming console – restrictions, focus on TV and a creepy camera watching your every move
  • Early on during a demonstration, the internet went into an uproar because apparently that same camera could see through your clothes, with one guys wang clearly visible in a test photo
  • It turned out it was just a fold in his pants, but even today the allegations continue that we’re slowly turning into a big brother planet full of cameras watching us 24/7
  • The government is deeply interested in watching our overweight cheeto-covered naked bodies fumble around for a gaming controller – it’s a matter of national security

6 – Dungeons & Dragons

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  • Tipper Gore wrote a 1987 book about raising kids in our current society, in which she dedicated an entire chapter to calling out D&D, that quirky little board game and fantasy series, as a horrifying cult linked to teenage suicides and murders
  • Forget Call of Duty, back then it was all about slaughtering mythical demons and mistaking said demons for infants and old people in real life
  • It was like the video game violence is bad spiel from before video games were around – board game violence will lead to riot on the streets with people rolling dice to walk from pavement square to pavement square, slaughtering thousands of immobile people that somewhat, but don’t really, resemble dragons

5 – Hitler

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  • Just like with Elvis or Marilyn Monroe, someone always comes along to claim that the leader of the Nazis is still around to this day, hitting up some beach in the Bahamas for a quick tan and a margarita
  • It started up in the 1970s and took off for a while before it died down, but people continue to believe it’s possible
  • Today – when Hitler would turn 125 years old, possibly living as a cyborg or brain in a jar controlling world events from a top secret bunker
  • He blows one bubble in the jar and it means commit genocide on a race of people, two bubbles mean snack time sprinkling in little fish biscuits

4 – Reptile People

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  • This is a theory from BBC Reporter David Icke – that humanity is being secretly controlled by a pack of shape shifting alien reptile people, whose members include Barack Obama and George W. Bush, along with the British Royal Family
  • According to one interview with the confidante of late Princess Diana, she secretly acknowledged their whole family were reptilian aliens who could shapeshift, with key members strewn all over the world to prepare from the enslavement of humanity
  • They apparently come from the star system Alpha Draconis, but when I consult my personal 8-Ball it won’t tell me exactly how long ago, which clearly means aliens have tampered with it

3 – Shark Spies

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  • 2010, a series of shark attack off the coast of Egypt led to a huge plummet in the tourism industry, and instead of turning around to say, well, it’s likely just a bunch of random sharks – no, the Egyptian government claimed they were remote-controlled shark spies sent by Isreal
  • Egyptian divers investigated, and found sinister-looking GPS devices on the sharks, apparently proving the theory
  • But wait, scientists had planted them simply to track the sharks’ movements
  • The entire community of Egypt instigated a collective facepalm

2 – Adam and Eve

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  • It’s the old story of creationism vs evolution, but with an outer space twist – it goes that an ancient spaceship piloted by Noah, hence, Noah’s Ark, brought the extraterrestrials Adam and Eve to planet Earth
  • Declassified documents reveal that there might’ve been a crashed saucer in Turkey which may have actually been the Ark come to its final resting place
  • All the millions of ancient bones, fossils and geological indicators are faked by the aliens because we descended from aliens
  • Mystery solved

1 – Duncan

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  • A man named Duncan Cameron claims he accidentally jumped off a Navy ship during some top secret experiment, only to have his soul ripped from his body and implanted in a new host so that, after a long series of events, channel Bigfoot the mythical monster from another dimension back into our dimension
  • It’s one of the more plausible conspiracies, and I wish he’d open up a Paypal account so I could fund his efforts because Bigfoot needs to come home – it’s past his bedtime

 

 

 

 

LINKS
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http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/

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