5 – Knock-Off Electronics,
- Knock-off electronics and appliances do big business, particularly in China and Taiwan. Manufacturers prey on consumer ignorance by copying the aesthetics and design choices of other well-known and respected products.
- These counterfeit devices are usually slow, buggy, poorly built and cause immense frustration for the user. I mean, come on! Why can’t my Nookia iPhone Galaxy 7 play Angry Birds?!
- As with knock-off toys and movies, the impersonations are wafer-thin. In many cases, manufacturers barely go to any effort to create their abominations, nor do they obscure the fact they’re ripping off multi-million dollar companies’ products.
- Check out the Obama-endorsed Blockberry, the iPod Mini Swirl and IPnoho6.
- It’s lucky Homer knows a genuine Panaphonics when he sees one.
4 – Fast Food Knock-Offs,
- America’s mighty fast food chains are admired – and sloppily copied – all over the world.
- Although the US and Iran have no diplomatic relations, some Iranian restaurant owners have tried to emulate American fast food franchises. Iran’s Pizza Hat rips off Pizza Hut’s menus and IT company Red Hat’s logo all at once. Their Mash Donald’s restaurant is the closest emulation of American’s pre-eminent food empire, with locations in over three cities. Mash Donald’s serves hamburgers and hotdogs, but, curiously, no mash potato.
- McDonald’s has many great imitators, like McKebab and Mak Dak, but China’s Pizza Huh’s the place to go if you want your pizza garnished with herbs other than Oregano.
3 – Counterfeit Fashion,
- Designer clothes are expensive. That is a fact of life. Knock-offs are cheap, but they’re tacky, low-quality and are usually manufactured in developing countries. Knock-off fashion carries a negative stigma, but some of it looks real enough that the consumer will risk exposure. It’s a bit like the uncanny valley. Fake garments look nice only from afar.
- Overseas, fake watches and handbags sell like gangbusters. Tourists eat them up, hoping to project wealth and prosperity. We only have the Kardashians to blame. Counterfeit goods aren’t subject to corporate quality control or government safety standards, so could tear, fall apart or even kill you.
- Online, unscrupulous vendors have been taking advantage of bargain-hunters by posting ads featuring beautiful dresses at a pittance. However, when the dresses arrive they look nothing like the pictures. The proportions are often wrong, the craftsmanship is bad, and the fabric is almost never the same. This phenomenon is known as ‘false advertising’.
2 – Imitation-Brand Cereal Disasters,
- Knock-off cereal brands reside on the lowest rungs of the supermarket breakfast aisle, at perfect eye-level for confused toddlers.
- Their packages are big and bright, their cartoon mascots are terrifying, and their names are teasingly similar to more-established cereal brands, to evoke a connotation of quality.
- I wish the sun would rise right now so I could have a delicious bowl of Circus Balls.
1 – Knock-Off Alcohol Brands,
- Fake liquor is a growing and dangerous trade. Since it does not go through the usual rigorous commercial safety tests, counterfeit alcohol could be lethal to consume.
- In China, fake alcohol is made from bases that can strike the heart and kidneys, and potentially cause blindness by attacking the retinal nerve.
- Fortunately, not all alcoholic knock-offs are dangerous; some are just no-frills versions of popular existing brands. Admiral Nelson is a cheaper knock-off of the popular Captain Morgan spiced rum. Interestingly, the real Nelson and Morgan were mariners. Nelson was a British Naval Office, who died in battle during the Napoleonic Wars. In order to preserve his body on the boat ride home, they put him in a barrel of … you guessed it, rum! Think of that the next time you wet your whistle with his namesake.
- Looking for other quality knock-off brand alcohol? Try Johns Daphne’s old time No. 1 brand quality tenderness sour mash whiskey, or Johnnie Worker’s – who I think is the slower cousin of Johnnie Walker – perplexing Red Labial scotch whiskey. Yes, labial. I don’t know either, but I hear it goes down smooth.