15 Worst Products For Lazy People

From wire frames to help you pull up your socks to angled reading glasses so you don’t have to tilt your head up, we count 15 notoriously lazy products for lazy people

15 – Electric Spin-the-Bottle,

• You know when you have a bunch of friends over, it’s late at night, someone suggests a game of spin the bottle to spice things up, everyone cheers, and then they pull out THIS thing
• Complete with flashing lights, sound effects, and automatically assigned truth or dare commands, removing your personal decisions as a factor – surely this is the future of group entertainment
• In reality, you and your friends will be sitting silent and awkward around an overly loud, obnoxious gizmo wondering how you got so old that even a plastic bottle had to be digitised in order to emulate an emotion that resembles the burnt out corpse of fun

14 – Portable Microwave,

• Walking from the lounge room to the kitchen is hard work, and reheating food is even more work on top of that
• But there is a solution – a microwave that removes the need for leg muscles so that you’ll never need to keep your eyes off the television while cooking up a nutritious TV dinner
• If combined with a portable fridge, laptop and toilet chair, you can officially live your entire life watching television – a dream of mankind that rivals landing on the moon

13 – Twirling Spaghetti Fork,

• Equally useful on both spaghetti and pasta, this is another whirring device on the same level as the electric bottle spinner
• It’s risky spinning a fork yourself – you might cramp your hand, have it slip out of your grip and go flying off to impale small infants, or you accidentally drop the fork and now it’s all gunky
• All this automatic fork needs is a battery and it’s good to go, 100,000 of these forks sold every year to the same demographic as those that need chopsticks with portable fans built in to blow on their food

12 – Urinal Robot,

• You know when you’re taking a leak and your colossal wang is weighing down your arm so much that you need a robot’s herculean strength to share the burden?
• There is simply no other explanation for this one – if you don’t have fingers to hold it, just hold it with your wrist stumps – if you don’t have arms, how did you even get your pants down?
• But let’s face it, most people would only get this installed in their house so they can start humping it – or you are simply so lazy that you’d rather invest in experimental technology than hold your own dick

11 – Sock Buddy,

• How many hours have YOU spent fumbling around with your socks, trying to get them on your feet while simultaneously trying to disarm a bomb, answer a phone call and answer a knock at the door – blindfolded?
• The sock buddy removes any need for complicated bundling manoeuvres or oil-related shortcuts – just fold the top of your sock onto the wire frame as seen in the picture on-screen and pull upwards, which might work if you have arthritis, but that’s about it
• In the seconds you’ll save using the sock buddy, you’ll be able to open a drawer 3/5ths of the way, wash most of a dish, take one bite of a muesli bar and other stupid things

10 – ABhancer,

• The key to getting a 6-pack within seconds, the ultimate alternative to traditional exercise by instead strapping this frame around your bulging gut and hope it won’t slice through your flesh like a knife in a roast turkey
• If you’re the calibre of human that actively nods when viewing these on-screen images, “mm, yeah, I can totally see myself picking up chicks by holding a square frame to my chest in the off-chance they won’t notice my man titties or grand canyon ass crack – fo sho”
• It comes recommended by pseudo-athletes, so you know it MUST work

9 – Automatic Teapot,

• There’s only so much work a human can do in one day – you gotta fall asleep, move through a house, move nutrients from a plate all the way up to your lips – it’s chaos
• The automatic teapot does some of the armwork for you, instead of setting it on the heating pad and then hauling it all the way over to dispense into your cup, now all you need to do is watch it tip liquid directly into your cup, a sliding action to save you precious arm exertion
• Of course, you WILL need to drag this kettle to the sink each time it runs out of water anyway, which will likely be often – but for the rest of the week you can feel comfortable and confident that your arm will not, in fact, snap in two

8 – Self-Making Bed,

• Perfect for the bachelor who simply can’t work up the energy to tidy their bed on a morning, this thing will automatically spread and tuck in your sheets for maximum comfy
• Never mind the horribly intrusive rails on the side of your bed, or the chance it might activate in the middle of the night to choke you to death – it’s all worth it because spreading your sheets without lifting a finger is a necessity on par with surviving in the jungle
• Of course, the whole point of making your bed is for aesthetic appeal, but I’m sure anyone you bring into your bedroom will appreciate this cyborg deathbed contraption when they decide to call it an early night and leave

7 – Self-Scooping Litter Box,

• So you’ve bought yourself a cat, now all you need to do is feed and clean out the litter box – two fairly straightforward obligations that you’ve come to expect owning a live animal
• But some people are so lazy, so fed up with a litter box smell from a room in their house they barely use anyway, that they need a robot to clean the litter box for them
• And yet all it does is separate the feces from the litter, so you still need to discard both regardless – it’s still the same work, but you save about 10 seconds, time which you COULD spend with the sock buddy

6 – PooTrap,

• Speaking of lazy douchebags who can’t help their pet deal with a natural bodily process, we find the harness of shit
• Setting aside the social repercussions of you walking your dog with a bag over their rectum, the mortified look from local residents, how do you think the dog feels with a bag full of their own feces swaying back and forth near his nutsack
• And what ‘s going to happen when he tries to sit down? “Man, what a comfortable warm squishy seat- oh wait, hmm, I’m sitting in my own shit – well, this isn’t ideal”

5 – Lazy Reading Glasses,

• Holding up a book or tablet while in bed is hard work, you’ll get wrist cramps, blood clots, swine flu, elephantitis and other incurable diseases too numerous to mention
• But these glasses have been given tiny mirror windows allowing you to rest your head back instead of raising your neck 2 inches or moving the book slightly upwards in order to read it
• Alternatively you could glue the book to the ceiling, use heavily magnified reading glasses and a long stick to turn the pages, but, let’s be honest, that seems like an awful lot of trouble to not lift the thing in your hands a tad closer to your face

4 – Snowball Scooper,

• I remember trips to the snowy mountains when I was younger, all about the sledding, snowman building, freezing my nuts off and loving it
• Then some company comes along and revolutionises fun – the snowball scooper can make perfectly sized snowballs to throw at your friends and relatives every single time
• It’s so revolutionary that people have taken a step back to question – why? Are human hands insufficient now? Are we incapable of balling frozen water? I guess if we can’t spin a bottle then snowball scooping is out of the question

3 – Cordless Scissors,

• We’ve all had those days when you’re cutting coupons, sweat dripping down your forehead, you go to sleep, wake up and your arm is throbbing with unbearable muscle pain
• For these automatic scissors, all you need to do is charge it for several hours, press down on the handle and it’ll do the work for you – it does make a gentle noise in the background

2 – Hands-Free Whopper Holder,

• A promotion by Burger King to celebrate its 50th anniversary, designed for people with no arms who still want to gain calories
• Only 50 of these were handed out at one store, and there are videos of burger holders actively eating a burger while tattooing, walking dogs and riding a bike
• Of course, the issue you’ll run into is, after a few bites, the bottom half of the burger will be lodged in the holder, and guess what, you’ll need to scoop it out with your hands
• Just like a regular person

1 – Toilet Paper Extender

• First up, if you bought a house or apartment where the toilet roll is as far away from the toilet as possible, it means your home is bad
• But have you ever had arthritis so physically paralysing that you couldn’t even reach out a few inches to tear some paper off a roll – you need the paper to come to you
• If you’re gonna do this, if you’re gonna be this lazy then you might aswell go all the way and invest in a diaper – take your toilet with you

 

 

 

 

 

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