From comparing your partner’s genitals to a family member’s to making guinea pig noises, we count sixteen hilarious things people have said during sex!
16 – Stop Talking,
- A young woman was spending some quality time between the sheets with her new lover.
- Things were going really well – until Lover Boy put his hand over her mouth and said: “Shhhh. Every time you talk, it goes down.”
- Maybe he has like a mute fetish? No, I know what it is! He’s a dick.
15 – Whisper,
- An uncomfortable Reddit user tried to do dirty talk to please his girlfriend but failed miserably.
- As things were getting hot and heavy, she whispered his name into his ear for encouragement.
- The guy leaned in close to her and, after overthinking it, accidentally whispered his own name back into her ear. What made it even more awkward was that it did this extremely sensually…
14 – Dirty Talk,
- Speaking of dirty talk, Ashley and her boyfriend have a pretty unique take on it. They like saying horrible stuff to each other to show their affection and get in the mood.
- Ashley will say things like “Thanks for cleaning the garage, honey. I can’t wait to cut your dick off while you sleep!” And her boyfriend will respond by calling her an ‘aids-infected hooker’ or ‘the hole he puts his dick in’.
- It sounds strange, but they have a very strong relationship and haven’t fought in six years!
13 – Not There,
- Most first times are a bit awkward, but this poor guy probably wishes he could do his over again. It was dark, he was nervous and his mind was racing. He had no idea what he was doing, so he just stuck it where it felt best.
- His partner, who was a little overweight, suddenly cried out, “Stop! That’s my stomach!”
- That is awwwkward! But, hey, chin up, guy! Things can only get better next time – unless you put it in her ear or something…
12 – Wheek!,
- Emerson and his girlfriend recently welcomed a pet guinea pig into their family. As any pet owner knows, they can be quite noisy little things! It took awhile for Emerson to adjust to hearing its ‘wheek wheek’ sound twenty-four hours a day.
- Anyway, the next time Emerson and his girlfriend were having sex, he could feel he was getting close to cumming. Because he’d heard it so much he suddenly blurted out “Wheek! Wheek!” – like, as a reflex. It made his girlfriend laugh so hard that they had to stop for a few minutes.
- This gave Emerson time to recover his stamina, which extended their session. It’s now become their sexual tradition. Whenever he’s about to cum, he wheeks! to give her fair warning.
11 – Doggy Style,
- All his adult life Jacob had had some pretty conservative lovers. So the first time he slept with his current girlfriend he was a little taken aback when she asked him to “Put your belt around my neck and walk me like a dog!”
- He hadn’t had any BDSM experiences before, nor had they discussed anything like this, so it was quite a shock! I wonder how far they took the roleplay. Did he have to take her outside when she scratched at the door? And did he have to, err, pick up after her? Actually, eww, I don’t want to know.