8 Craziest Explanations For Our Existence

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  1. Phenomenalism

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  • Ever wonder if something exists if you aren’t looking at it? No, I didn’t think so.
  • Phenomenalism is the theory that our universe only exists while it’s being observed. So once you stop observing, the thing doesn’t exist, then it does again, then it doesn’t. It’s kinda like when you playing peekaboo with a toddler, “Where’d Timmy go? Oh there he is”.
  • It’s more not that the object stops existing but it’s that whole tree falling in the woods deal. If can’t sense it, then as far as you know it’s not there. While interesting to ponder it starts to lose any practicality after five minutes of thinking.
  1. The Orgone

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  • Well you can’t always explain human existence, but you can explain why the sky is blue…It’s because sexual energy.
  • This alternate theory on how the universe worked basically boiled down to a force called The Orgone, which is our sexual libido…sorta. It was responsible for your psychological problems and also could be used to control clouds. You can collect your Orgones in these special patent pending metal boxes that will help you control the universe.
  • Sounds dumb? Well idea became pretty widespread, even Einstein tried one out…but ten minutes in a cheap metal box was enough to work out that the universe was not molded out of our sexual energy.
  1. Scientology

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  • Here’s an explanation for human life that has been the go to every time someone wants to make a joke about the crazy things cults believe.
  • Of course I’m talking about Scientology. For those who don’t know or haven’t seen that one episode of South Park, the story goes that an intergalactic emperor named Xenu gathered up a whole bunch of aliens, took them to Earth, imprisoned them in volcanos…and then blew them up…with hydrogen bombs.
  • Xenu then collected the souls or Thetans of the dead aliens, brainwashed them and then set them loose to possess the native life on Earth I.E us. Whew damn that’s a long and contrived explanation then again what do you expect from a cult.
  1. Japan’s Earth fucking God

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  • Jeez even in mythology Japan takes the cake for coming up with the craziest story this side of “aliens in volcanos”.
  • The legend goes that the islands that make up Japan were formed when god Izanagi plunged his mighty spear into the Earth and then pulled it, spilling a salty liquid that solidified to become Honshu…anyway his wife Izanami then gave literal birth to the rest of the islands…and also to the god of fire.
  • But after being horribly burned because, well imaging giving birth to fire…Izanami became sick and gave birth to the gods of piss, shit and vomit. No, Seriously. Human existence and all your bodily functions happened because a god woman got burned giving birth to fire on an island made of dried god jizz.

 

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