8 Dumbest Terror Plots That Failed

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4c

  • Teaching a class of suicide bombers how to blow themselves up might not sound like rocket science, but apparently it’s harder than it looks.
  • An instructor at a terrorist training camp north of Baghdad was teaching a class on bomb construction when the damn thing went off in his hands, killing him and all of the twenty-one trainees in attendance.
  • Iraqi citizens called their stupid deaths an ‘act of god’ and believed it was payback for all the innocent lives terrorists have taken.

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3a

  • If Osama bin Laden is remembered as the most dangerous terrorist ever, Mohammad Ashan may be remembered as the dumbest.
  • Mohammad was a wanted Taliban commander in Afghanistan who turned himself in to authorities to claim the reward money. This idiot walked right up to a police checkpoint, pointed to the wanted poster featuring his face, and asked for enthusiastically asked if he could have the finder’s fee. I don’t think anyone told him how wanted posters work.
  • Security forces arrested him and officials called him an ‘imbecile’ and ‘the Taliban equivalent of the Home Alone burglars’. In case you’re thinking that he was just some weird lookalike, officials took a biometric scan of him and confirmed that he was really the man they’d been looking for.

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2e

  • Australia’s been pretty fortunate when it comes to terror attacks. Most of them have been minor or narrowly averted. In 2016, this almost changed. Nineteen-year-old Sevdet Ramadan Besim had plotted a deadly attack on the city of Melbourne. The plot involved explosives and a beheading and was set to be executed on Anzac Day, Australia’s national holiday for commemorating fallen soldiers.
  • Fortunately, his plan was an eleven out of ten on the stupidity meter and only would’ve worked if this was a Looney Tunes cartoon rather than, y’know, real life. The plan involved stuffing a kangaroo’s pouch with explosives, painting the creature’s fur with Islamic State symbols, and setting it loose on police officers.
  • Police arrested Sevdet before he could enact his harebrained scheme, which is almost a shame; it would’ve been cool to see a wild kangaroo beat the shit out of him.

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1b

  • We’ve all heard spiels about text messaging taking lives, but this Russian suicide bomber found out this doesn’t just apply to drivers.
  • The woman was hoping to detonate a bomb and kill everyone around her during a New Year’s Eve celebration in Moscow’s Red Square. However, while she was still in the safe house, an unexpected text message came in and accidentally set off her belt bomb, blowing her to pieces before she could make a political statement.
  • Ironically, the message was from her phone company wishing her a Happy New Year.

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