From gay gap years to humans growing beaks, we look at 8 ridiculous lies that children believed.
- Beaky Bastards
- One little girl was convinced that just before puberty, humans went through a bird phase.
- Her babysitters managed told the five-year-old that upon entering your teenage years you grew a beak that would eventually fall off. She was skeptical right up until her parents chimed in and confirmed what she’d eventually have to go through. The next time the babysitters saw her she asked some more serious questions and 10 minutes in, she burst into tears.
- I think they wasted a gold opportunity; they could’ve told her that Big Bird used to be human but suffered from a condition that caused his entire body to morph into a bird. That would’ve really fucked her up…what? Too mean? Meh.
- Something Smells Fishy
- One Dad thought it’d be fun to convince his daughter that the fish in her fillet of fish was actually silverfish.
- Mid- meal, the genius Dad thought it’d be hilarious to convince his five-year-old that her burger was actually made from the slimy bugs you find in your bathtub. Those freaky antennae bastards don’t exactly scream deliciousness.
- So the little girl she put down her burger and 20 years later has never touched a fillet of fish. I don’t blame her. More for the rest of us right?! Hmm maybe not.
- Gay year
- Sexuality is definitely a mysterious topic which lends itself to some much confusion for kids.
- A particularly inventive sibling convinced her younger brother that at 18 you went through a second puberty where you were gay for a year. Then after the year was over some people stayed fabulous, while others hung up the go-go boots and went back to being boring ‘ol hetero.
- Apparently the truth came out when he asked his mom about what muff diving was like. It could’ve been worse though, she could’ve started giving him pointers.
- Appendix meant testicles
- Words are tricky mistresses when you’re a kid; and it can be easy to misconstrue one word for another when they’re all pretty new.
- One boy was told that appendix was another word for testicles. So every time he heard about someone having to get their appendix removed, he was horrified; those poor ball-less bastards.
- And when he heard about a girl having her appendix removed he that girls have balls too. And this wasn’t cleared up until he saw his first porn mag in his teens. Now he’s probably wondering why he’s really into chicks with dicks.