8 True Facts That Sound Totally Made Up

An Ultra Orthodox Jewish man stands on a  ladder and hangs "Eruv" (Eiruv or Erub) wire, near the Gilo neighborhood in south Jerusalem, on Friday, Aug 14, 2009. A community Eruv refers to the legal aggregation or "mixture" under Jewish religious property law of separate parcels of property meeting certain requirements into a single parcel held in common by all the holders of the original parcels, which enables Jews who observe the traditional rules concerning Shabbat to carry children and belongings anywhere within the jointly held property without transgressing the prohibition against carrying a burden across a property line on the Jewish sabbath. Photo by Nati Shohat / FLASH90. *** Local Caption *** òéøåá
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From fruity flies to peanut butter jewels, we look at 8 true facts that sound totally made up.

  1. Bad Neighbours

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  • North Korea and Finland are super far apart, right? The home of Black metal and darkness seems an entire world away from Kim Jong-un and his crazy Dennis Rodman loving ass.
  • But technically these countries are only separated by only one country; the glorious land of Mother Russia. There are a heap of neighbouring nations close by but because of the way Russia curves around, there’s only one nation between them. The distance is over 4,000 miles of Soviet goodness.
  • So if North Korea was the balls and Finland was the anus, Russia would be the holy mother gooch that stood between them. That’s right, if you massage Russia just right, North Korea will blow their load.
  1. Chocolate Bugs

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  • The average chocolate bar contains about eight insect parts. That’s cockroach legs, ant arms and other appendages.
  • Apparently these contaminants are unavoidable because the bugs live on farms where cocoa beans are sourced. Stupid nature, making awesome stuff gross. And it turns out people that think they’re allergic to chocolate might just be allergic to all the ground up cockroaches in their Snickers.
  • Thanks a lot Cadbury. Get me addicted to your delicious goodness and force feed me bug corpses, you sick fucks! Why don’t I feed you some of my homemade pies, Sweeney Todd-style? They’re like drugs dealers that get you hooked on heroin and then tell you they’ve put some crushed bug carcass in with your opiates. But by then it’s too late to be outraged. You’re just slightly grossed out as you reach for your next hit from the Mars bar.
  1. Fruity Flies

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  • If you remove a fruit fly’s front legs makes it bisexual. That’s right, we can make fruit flies like the banana, that’s right I went there.
  • Fruit flies have sensory organs on their front legs, so they use them to figure out that what they’re fucking is the right species and gender. Why they can’t use their giant eyes to figure this out is beyond me. But take away their front legs and they’ll fuck anything.
  • If it were this simple with humans there’d definitely be less gay-hate in the world. One some progressive dictator would probably enforce mandatory arm amputations to prevent hate but then we wouldn’t even be able to drive, or masturbate. Don’t do it future Hitler!
  1. Wired Up

An Ultra Orthodox Jewish man stands on a ladder and hangs "Eruv" (Eiruv or Erub) wire, near the Gilo neighborhood in south Jerusalem, on Friday, Aug 14, 2009. A community Eruv refers to the legal aggregation or "mixture" under Jewish religious property law of separate parcels of property meeting certain requirements into a single parcel held in common by all the holders of the original parcels, which enables Jews who observe the traditional rules concerning Shabbat to carry children and belongings anywhere within the jointly held property without transgressing the prohibition against carrying a burden across a property line on the Jewish sabbath. Photo by Nati Shohat / FLASH90. *** Local Caption *** òéøåá çåè òîåã çøãéí çøãé éøåùìéí

  • There’s a continuous transparent wire around the edges of Manhattan.
  • And a bunch of other cities too. It’s called an ‘eruv’ and was originally used in Jewish people’s backyards so that they could sit in their gardens on the Sabbath. This magical piece of wire turns public spaces into private ones. But people got greedy and wanted to go to get bagels and brunch on a Saturday without suffering God’s wrath. So they installed a giant wire around a bunch of different cities so that people could go wherever the fuck they wanted.
  • The wire around Manhattan has been there for about 50 years and is maintained regularly. It’s a genius way to get around your religion’s rules but it sort of feels like cheating. Then again a bunch of religions sit around drinking wine on Sunday mornings saying it’s the ‘blood of ’

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