- Turtles Breathing out their poop-chutes
- Some particularly talented breeds of turtles can breathe through their butts.
- That’s right. But technically, their butts aren’t quite butts. They’re actually called cloaca because it’s a one-stop-shop; they pee, poop, mate and lay eggs all out of the one hole. Talk about value for money. Their cloacas have ridges on them that allow oxygen in.
- There are a bunch of species of aquatic turtles that can take oxygen in through their hole-in-one poot-chute. The Australian white-throated snapping turtle can get about 70% of his oxygen this way, whereas other species can only get about 20%. I’m pretty impressed, my butt only breathes out and it’s got terrible breath.
- Viral Religion
- You are three times more likely to get a virus on your computer from a religious website than from a Porn website.
- It’s like the opposite of real life; you’re much more likely to get a virus from a hooker than from going to church. Unless you go to an awesome church…old Betty takes out her false teeth and bam, she’s a filthy girl. It was found a few years ago that religious sites were being targeted more frequently and didn’t have the safeguards in place that porn sites too.
- Though porn sites still had malware and nasty shit, just nowhere near as much as the sites your Grandma might be on. It’s just like how statistically there are less STIs in the porn industry than in the general population; when you deal in sex in this millennium, you’re safer.
- Peanut Butter Jewels
- Under extreme high pressure, diamonds can be made from peanut butter.
- Geophysicists in Germany have been working hard to mimic the conditions of the earth’s lower mantle. Because diamonds are carbon that’s been forced into crystal form, they took peanut butter (which has loads of carbon) some high pressure pistons and a mega hot furnace and, bam diamond-city. But the scientists won’t be quitting their day jobs any time soon; even a three millimeter diamond would take weeks to create.
- Next time you’re chowing down a PB&J, just remember it could’ve been delicious diamonds with your jelly, but you’re not a German geophysicist. Actually come to think of it, neither am I. Oh the humanity!
- Raining Diamonds
- It rains diamonds on Jupiter and Saturn.
- On giant planets so gassy you’d think they’d been eating nothing but Chipolte, it rains those jewels humans cherish so much. They aren’t polished though, so you couldn’t just chuck one on a ring and marry Beyoncé. Let me explain, on Jupiter and Saturn there’s heaps of methane (aka fart gas) which lightning storms turn into soot. As the soot falls it turns into graphite and then into rough diamonds.
- Like an uncircumcised penis; uncut but majestic. Just imagine if it rained diamonds here, it’d be better than raining men. Still, I’d rather it rained donuts. I used to wish it rained chocolate but not anymore.
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