9 Horrifying First Date Stories

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From awkward concussions to face farters, we look at 9 horrifying first date stories.

  1. Coming out of both ends

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  • So this lass has been crushing hard on a piece of eye-candy at her work. When he asks her out, she’s stoked. They decide to watch movies at his place. Standing in his kitchen she starts to feel woozy; she faints and hits her head. He tells her she should go to the hospital, but she insists she’s fine.
  • A little later, she nods off. When she wakes up, she’s sweating and got a beastly demon in her belly that’s about to be unleashed. She runs out of the room trying to find the bathroom but it’s too late. She vomits all over the floor and her ass sprays diarrhea all over the wall behind her. She’s mortified but so sick that she can’t stop heaving, she falls into a heap of her own vomit.
  • The nice guy takes her to the hospital. There’s a Disney ending though: they ended up getting married! I guess that’s the test of true love, if you can shit on his wall like a parrot, it’s meant to be.
  1. The Interrogation

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  • 5 minutes into a bind date the guy can’t believe his luck; she’s gorgeous and they’re having an awesome time.
  • She tells him, let’s blow this joint, I’ve got somewhere I want to take you. So they get in her car and go for a drive. He’s enamored that she’s so spontaneous. But then they walk into a restaurant; it turns out to be her aunt’s birthday. Her entire family are there.
  • He spends hours getting grilled by her family, the dad starts an inquisition about his intentions toward his daughter and the poor boy asks his date for a moment in private. She tells him that anything he has to say, he can say in front of her family. He tells her “I’m still getting to know you and you’re parading me around in front of your family. Family dinners are awful enough, not to mention when it’s someone else’s fucking family.” He walks out of the restaurant feeling like an asshole but
  1. I can’t go back to prison!

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  • One couple were having a laid back first date eating McDonalds and decide they want to see a movie.
  • So as the guy is driving, some ass clown pulls out in front of him and he rams into the other car. The minor fender bender causes him to start freaking the shit out, she asks “what’s wrong, don’t you have insurance?” He says “worse, I’ve got a warrant out for my arrest!” he then jumps out of the car, yelling as he sprints away “I’m sorry, I can’t go back to prison.”
  • Just as this poor girl is coming to terms with being ditched the cops rock up and she’s in a car that isn’t hers. After some explaining, the cops agree to take her home. On the way there she finds out that the car is also stolen.
  1. The Foot Fetishist

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  • 5 minutes into a blind date, this guy asks if he can suck on his date’s toes. She laughs it off and politely declines.
  • When they’re in the cinema, he pretends to drop something on the floor and as he reaches down to pick it up he puts her toes in her mouth.
  • She’s so shocked she kicks him right in the face. She then excused herself to go to the powder room and got the fuck outta there.

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