15 Dumbest Lawsuits of All Time

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From cases involving celebrity lookalikes to Apple causing porn addictions, we count fifteen of the dumbest lawsuits of all time!

15 – Conspiracy to OD,

  • In 2011, seventeen-year-old Scott Simon went to a New Jersey party where he was offered a Xanax tablet that had been stolen from a local pharmacy.
  • He, of course, overdosed, fell into a coma and suffered permanent nerve damage. The only thing that could’ve been worse is if he’d woken in a zombie apocalypse.
  • Anyway, Scott’s parents decided the party host, his out-of-town parents, every other kid attending the party, the pharmacy and the Xanax manufacturer were responsible. It definitely wasn’t poor decision-making or shit parenting.
  • As we all know, this is the age of not taking responsibility for our own actions, so a settlement totalling $4.1 million was required to be paid by the pharmacy and the party host’s parents.

14 – Woman Sues Halloween Horror Nights for Being ‘Too Scary’,

14c

  • A woman sued Universal Studios because its horror-themed attraction caused her ‘emotional distress’. Cleanthi Peters and her granddaughter had just exited a ride when a chainsaw-wielding employee leapt out of the shadows and gave chase.
  • The pair genuinely believed Leatherface was attacking them right there out in the open – y’know, outside that park ride that’s blatantly marketed the ‘scariest theme park experience you’ll ever have’.
  • They ran screaming from the ride and slipped on a wet spot, leaving them exposed to the chainsaw-brandishing horror cliché, who was probably just a work experience kid trying to pick up extra acting credits.
  • The woman sued the park for $15,000 dollars, but, fortunately, the gods of common sense were looking down that day, and her case was unsuccessful.

13 – Suicidal Person Sues Train Company,

13b

  • Milo Stephens Jr. was an emotionally fraught man who tried committing suicide by jumping in front of subway train as it was pulling into a Manhattan station in 1977. He lived through the ordeal, but was horribly maimed.
  • Months later, his family found a personal injury lawyer with dollar signs for eyes who helped them successfully sue the New York City Transit Authority for $650,000. The lawyer argued that the train driver did not slow down in time, so was to blame for injuring Milo, who had willingly hurtled himself into harm’s way.
  • Despite the huge financial win, Milo tried to kill himself again in the same way years later. He clearly needed professional help.

12 – Wanita Young vs Free Cookies,

12c

  • Two teenaged good Samaritans had a $900 lawsuit filed against them for leaving free cookies on their neighbours’ doorsteps.
  • Wanting to brighten their neighbours’ days, Lindsey Zellitti and Taylor Ostergaard went around their neighbourhood, knocking on doors and leaving small cookie packages. However, when they reached forty-nine-year-old Wanita Young’s house, the sound of their knocking apparently drove her into an anxiety attack, causing her to call the police who eventually took her to the hospital.
  • After the girls apologised for causing unintentional distress and even offered to pay Wanita’s hospital bills. Wanita instead decided to take them to court and successfully sued them for $900. I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

11 – Negligent Texting,

11b

  • Two New Jersey motorcycle passengers were seriously injured in a distracted driving accident. The man responsible was looking at his mobile phone when he should have been driving, but the victims didn’t just sue him; they also sued the woman sending him text messages.
  • Not sure why they stopped there. They probably should’ve sued the phone manufacturer, and maybe even the makers of the bike for not having the foresight to install a deployable force field. Why not sue Alex Bell for inventing the telephone? Ignorant bastard must have known this would happen.
  • Fortunately the judge dismissed the sender of the text message, and explained that GPS devices, billboards and push notifications from news websites are all distractions that drivers hold the responsibility to avoid.

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